been reading over the posts of the last week or so and i realise just how much of a roller coster i have been on my emotions have been up and down and all about for the last few weeks and i am trying to balance it all out somehow .... They have alot to do with the others in my life and more to the point they have to do with J i dont know why i have allowed myself to fall so much and why i have let her get to me in such a way that i its been really fuckin me up if i was smarter perhaps i would have cut free a week ago but i so want it to work and lets face it it is not turning out as i wanted ... and its all out of my control which i hate but what can i do about things that are out of my control .....? not much i guess I am trying to take a stand back and let her sought them out but that has turned out to be harder than it sounds its always so easyer to say things than to actualy do them .... and right now i just dont know what to do ??? i am trying to just give her space and time but also i dont want to be played while i know she is not doing this i guess she is at least in some small way cause my emotions are all over sometimes wanting to be there sometimes wanting to just walk away and get back to lookin after me and all ......
So the plan for the next week is to step back enough for her to make the first move back towards me as i can not keep trying to give ..... I have tryed all the giving i can do ..... I am spent ......
J if you read this know i love you even if i dont say it .... dont push me so far away you can not pull me back after the storm .... please ......
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I know all about those roller coasters, and my feelings were all sucked out of me. My rollaer coaster wasn't as dramatic as yours, but all sorts of emotions, up and down. Hnag in there Sarah, I hope it all works out for you.
Hugs and stuff
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