Today i feel so alone ... so lonly .... so messed up ...... so hurt ........ I reach for life lines that are not there i call friends who dont answer ...... I am scared .... scared of what i dont know ... scarred of what i do know .... i am scared of the world ... i am scared of me .... scared that the deamons that live within me are trying to come out .... scared of the dark side .... it comes like a wave that you can not stop ..... I am mad at myself .... I let the walls down .. and the hurt came in ... i want to be strong .... i want to be brave ... i dont want to do it anymore ..... I am mad at me .... why did i let go ... why take down masks .... why open the doors ....... i am so mad ... its no one but me to blame .... its me being stupid ..... being fucked up .... why did i do it again .. why risk the hurt ... there are no answers there are only voices ... they yell stupid little girl .... what did you expect ... you know they hurt you .... and you go back for more ... stupid little fucking girl ..... Its what you deserve ... you go back for more .... you do it to yourself .... you worthless bitch ..... you are nothing .......just stop it .... FUCKING STOP IT ......
4 comments:
I know it sucks when you need someone to be there, and for whatever reason, you can't find them.
Don't sell yourself short, you are worth a lot to some of us!
It's been a while since I've spoken with you. I have enough failings of my own that I don't really like to give insight to someone unless they ask me for it. But... in this case you sound pretty down.
You are more alive than about anyone I know. Doesn't mean you're not vulnerable, but you really life life with flair and make the most of what you have. I'm a very cautious person in almost every regard and believe me when I say that excessive caution will make your life progress very slowly. I may be mistaken but I believe it was Winton Churchill who said, "Great success always comes at the risk of terrible failure." That's just off the top of my head so it may be like a word or two off, but that's the general idea.
You're always trying to encourage me to take risks in my life, to just step out and make things happen. If you believe this is what I should do then you cannot get down on yourself for going out on a limb and taking a chance for love. So it didn't work out. It sucks. Life hurts a lot sometimes. It's not a pretty world that we live in a lot of times. There's a lot that the two of us don't agree on but I still value the conversations that we have. You still somehow manage to make me smile just by answering my hello. You are not stupid. You have more meaning to more people than you can know. Despite our countless arguments I find great value in you as a person and I would be quite sad if I knew I would never again have the opportunity to speak to you.
I don't know exactly where you stand in your faith right now. What I do know is that even though you're down you're not out. Life goes on. It contains a lot of joy for you and yes, it also contains more hurt. Life holds both of those things for us all. You can either give up and die, making all the inspiration you've given to people over the years mean nothing, or you can pick up and move forward like you always do, knowing that someone loves you and that this storm will pass over just like so many before it. I'm not a great man. I have no wonderous achievments to point out in order to give myself merit. I'm just another guy out here trying to get by. Just another guy who's saying to you that you are important. You have value. You're a wonderful person and I don't ever want to see you give up. I'm sorry that I'm not a good friend but I'm not a very good man. Rise above this and give hope to those who look up to you. Hope to see you soon.
Dont you fuckin fall bitch dont fall .... get the fuck up and do another round .... I have seen you fight hard i have seen you with all the shit beat out of you only to rise with a bloody smile and take another round ... through the blood through the sweat you shine ... get the fuck up and fight ... they will never beat you not like before .. reach within and and take the punch ... just get up get up !!!!!
Thanks bears good to know your out there even if miles away .....
Dave you know the score always have always will my protector and my friend .... you know where to find me .... all is never lost ... call your mum ! you still know what that means .......
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