For Lloyd

One of the things I do is visit old people its part of a age concern group that I volunteered for a while back and involves an Hour a week (well sometimes more) where I would vist an old dude and just chat and keep them company. About a year back I started visiting Lloyd. He was the original grumpy old man and I would come and share some time with him sometimes just talking about what he was up to sometimes playing cards or sharing a cup of tea most of the time I would just listen to him talk about all kinds of stuff.. He always has alot to say about any topic from politics to life and was not shy in just saying it as it is .. (or at least how he sees things) Sometimes I didnt want to spend time with him Like I said he could be a grumpy old prick !!!! but I would tell him so and he would laugh and agree for the most part!!

We played cards one day and he got so pissed off when I beat him he called me a cheat and threw the cards in the air I told him to go fuck himself to which he laughed and we both ended up laughing at the fact I used the F word and how un becoming of a lady it was .. gee I guess he got to know me too ...

anyway early this week I got the news that Lloyd had passed away it. He died in hes sleep and without any pain so I guess that was a nice enough way to end his life .. They had a funeral for him today and It was nice to meet some of his friends (he didnt have many) some of his famialy and even a few guys that served in Veitnam with him (gee they came along way)

I guess deep down I knew this would happan some day but it hit me like a brick I could go on and talk about Lloyd for ages but I wont (I just dont feel like it) And He would not want me too anyway so I will only say Your God bless and keep you Lloyd you showed me many things taught me many lessions and I am truly better to have known you ... Thank you for everything ... LOVE AND LIGHT FOREVER (even if you couldnt understand why I said that lol ) Hugz SARAH


i felt heavy today.
the alarm woke me up on the floor
telling me to get ready for your visitation.

i didn't know what to wear,
so i wore what i always wear

mike came and picked me up
carried us to the funeral home.
everything felt heavy.

I went inside and saw many people crying.
I hugged all of the familiar faces
which I had not seen before.

many people were crying.
but i wasn't crying.
my emotions didn't want to show themselves.

i went into the chapel where many people were gathering.
i couldn't think when i saw your casket
from the back of the room.

so i sat for a short while.
then i went to the altar
and hugged your sister.

after i hugged your brother
i looked down at you in your casket.
you didn't look the same.

i wasn't crying like everyone else.
i couldn't figure out why,
for i had loved you too.

finally the man said it was time for the service to start.
so i sat again,
this time in the front pew.

i could see you perfectly.
you didn't look the same.
but i still wasn't crying.

the man told us about you.
he summed up your life in less than one hour,
but you were so much more than that.

after the service ended
i went to your casket again.
you were peaceful, but not the same.

suddenly things were blurry
and hot water was pouring
out of my eyes.


i pulled away and looked up at mike
and saw the tears in his eyes;
the first i had seen him cry.

i hugged others.
i felt heavy.
i was not myself.

as i was leaving
i stopped to hug jacob
and said i would see him monday.

everything was blurry by that time.
everything felt heavy
and i couldn't move.

on the drive home
the sky flashed with lightning
again and again

the clouds glowed with the same blue
that used to light your eyes,
the same eyes that lit the world.

those eyes that i'll never see again
for as long as i live
alive only in my memory.

i will see you again one day.